Having attended a holiday get-together last month at the home of a friend of mine, I was reminded of a WWI-type situation from a while back. Quite a while back. The following incident occurred more than 20 years ago. Actually, it took place over a three-year span, and shows that WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION, even over time, will generally win out.

First, here's how it began. A friend of mine used to hold an annual holiday get-together. Not being a real partier even then, I didn't attend many, but did make it a point to regularly attend this one. One year (I was about 20 at the time) I was greeted by a woman I'll call "Tina"...because...that was her name (only kidding, I'm using made-up names in this story) :-).

Tina, whom I never dated, but had known in the past as a good acquaintance, came over and gave me a big hug. That would be fine, but her boyfriend, whom I'll call "David" (you know the drill), who didn't know me, was "none too pleased."

Now, keep in mind that those of us who are not jealous types and would never be bothered by our significant other hugging someone we don't know, might not understand David's feelings. But, the fact is, everyone works out of their own belief system and has a right to their feelings. Yes, David was not a "happy camper."

Noticing this right away, I gave David a warm handshake as I was introduced to him, and tried to engage him in conversation that would make him feel comfortable with me. Although the conversation was a bit strained, the three of us spoke briefly, and I managed to discover that he was very interested in basketball and was a faithful member of a winter league.

Turn the clock ahead one year. Same party, same people. I see David and Tina walking in, and I wave. David is not terribly excited to see me but eventually walks over with Tina. Tina says, "David, Bob, you guys remember each other, right?" I, with enthusiasm, said, "Sure!." David grunted.

I then said, "David, tell me what's happening with your basketball team, are you having a good season?" Well, David's attitude changed completely and, for the next ten minutes, told me all I wanted to know (and, actually, more) about his season and their hopes for a league title.

Turn the clock ahead one more year. Same party, same people. I see David and Tina walking in, and I wave. This time, David comes walking over to me with a great big smile on his face. Two old friends saying hello. Quite a difference from our first encounter.

You might be asking, "Bob, isn't that a long time to win a person over?" Well, sure, but years are going to pass by anyway; we might as well use the time to our WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION advantage. Who is in your life right now that might take some time to win over, but would be worth the effort and put both of you ahead of the game? Choose one person who fits that description, and then heed the words of the Talmud that say, "Who is mighty? One who can control their emotions and make, of an enemy, a friend."

Have an awesome WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION week! 

Bob Burg