One of the most effective ways to positively and gently "disarm" a person with whom you are having a disagreement, plus win them over to your side of the issue, is to first, point out their side of the story. In other words, discover and vocalize to them, the areas in which you agree with them - that is, where you not only can understand how they feel, but where their view actually makes sense. When doing this you, in essence, say to them, "Hey, there are two sides to every story. You also have a reasonable argument - you have a view that is very worthy of consideration."

Now he or she can relax and let go of their defensiveness.  They know they are not in a battle with someone "out to get them", prove them wrong or otherwise look to win and "take no prisoners" while doing so. He or she will have a newly found respect for you, and a newly opened mind toward the ideas you present. In fact, after doing this, the other person will typically point out the positive aspect of "your" side of the argument. And, why not? You are now showing mutual respect, and working from a foundation of truth, kindness and genuine interest in each other.

Keep in mind that if you have a history with this person where win/lose argument and debate is the norm, then it may take a couple of conversations before they'll be ready to accept your new attitude. In a short period of time, however, they'll begin to see that you are simply searching for the truth - not just trying to be right at all costs.

One of the best examples of this style of WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION was the 16th U.S. president, Abraham Lincoln, who early in his career was a very successful lawyer. It was well known that he would always begin his opening arguments by summing up the other side's "case." He would point out the positive aspects of their position, and how very worthy they were of consideration. In fact, it was said that if you walked into the courtroom at that time, you'd actually think he was representing that side!

What Mr. Lincoln was doing was establishing his credibility with the judge and jury, and demonstrating that he was seeking only the truth - that he realized both sides had a legitimate view. Talk about WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION! Now, when it was time to present his client's side, he'd "let it all hang out" and really "pour it on." But, he could get away with doing that because his credibility factor was now so high. After all, the judge and jury reasoned that, if he was so willing to give credibility to the viewpoint of the other side, he must be honest and speaking straight from his heart. This works just as well in an interpersonal situation. By making the other's case first, we establish our credibility, and then what we say on our own behalf becomes even more acceptable. Again, you'll know you're on the right track when the other person begins making your case for you.

Let's keep this lesson in our active consciousness as we win our "cases" with kindness, tact, respect and appreciation for the other person and his or her views.

Have an awesome WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION week!