Integrity,
a standard of personal morality and ethics, is not relative
to the situation you happen to find yourself in and doesn't
sell out to expediency. Its short supply is getting even
shorter, but without it, leadership is a façade.
Learning to see through exteriors is a critical development
in the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Sadly,
most people continue to be taken in by big talk and media
popularity, flashy or bizarre looks, and expensive possessions.
They move through most of their years convinced that the
externals are what count, and are thus doomed to live
shallow lives. Men and women who rely on their looks or
status to feel good about themselves inevitably do everything
they can to enhance the impression they make – and do
correspondingly little to develop their inner value and
personal growth. The paradox is that the people who try
hardest to impress are often the least impressive. Puffing
to appear powerful is an attempt to hide insecurity.
In
the Roman Empires' final corrupt years, status was conveyed
by the number of carved statues of the gods displayed
in people's courtyards. As in every business, the Roman
statue industry had good and bad sculptors and merchants.
As the empire became ever more greedy and narcissistic,
the bad got away with as much as they could. Sculptors
became adept at using wax to hide cracks and chips in
marble and most people couldn't discern the difference
in quality.
Statues
began to weep or melt under the scrutiny of sunlight
or heat in foyers. For statues of authentic fine quality,
carved by reputable artists, people had to go to the
artisan marketplace in the Roman Quad and look for booths
with signs declaring sine cera, which translates in
English to mean, without wax. We, too, look for the
real thing in friends, products, and services. In people,
we value sincerity, from the words, sine cera, more
than almost any other virtue. We expect it from our
leaders, which we are not getting in our political,
media, business and sports' heroes for the most part.
We must demand it of ourselves.
Integrity
that strengthens an inner value system is the real human
bottom line. Commitment to a life of integrity in every
situation demonstrates that your word is more valuable
than a surety bond. It means you don't base your decisions
on being politically correct. You do what's right, not
fashionable. You know that truth is absolute, not a
device for manipulating others. And you win in the long
run, when the stakes are highest. If I were writing
a single commandment for leadership it would be, "You
shall conduct yourself in such a manner as to set an
example worthy of imitation by your children and subordinates."
In simpler terms, if they shouldn't be doing it, neither
should you. I told my kids, "clean up your room," and
they inspected the condition of my garage. I told them
that honesty was our family's greatest virtue, and they
commented on the radar detector I had installed in my
car. When I told them about the vices of drinking and
wild parties, they watched from the upstairs balcony,
the way our guests behaved at our adult functions.
It's
too bad some of our political and business leaders don't
understand that "What you are speaks so loudly that
no one really pays attention to what you say." But it
is even more true that if what you are matches what
you say; your life will speak forcefully indeed.
It's
hardly a secret that learning ethical standards begins
at home. A child's first inklings of a sense of right
and wrong come from almost imperceptible signals received
long before he or she reaches the age of rational thought
about morality. Maybe you're asking yourself what kind
of model you are for future generations, remembering
that people are either honest or dishonest, that integrity
is all or nothing, and that children can't be fooled
in such basic matters. They learn by example.
To
remind myself of my responsibility to live without wax,
with sincerity and integrity, I took the liberty of
re-writing Edgar A. Guest's poem, "Sermons We See" to
apply to setting an example as a real winner for my
children and grandchildren.
I'd
rather watch a winner, than hear one any day. I'd rather
have one walk with me, than merely show the way. The
eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear.
Fine counsel is confusing, but examples are always clear.
And the best of all the coaches are the ones who live
their deeds. For to see the truth in action is what
everybody needs. I can soon learn how to do it, if you'll
let me see it done. I can watch your hands in action,
but your tongue too fast may run. And the lectures you
deliver may be very wise and true. But, I'd rather get
my lessons by observing what you do. For I may misunderstand
you and the high advice you give. But there's
no misunderstanding how you act and how you live. I'd
rather watch a winner, than hear one any day.
Hey,
politician, business leader, motion picture producer,
television actor, rock star, sports star. Hey
mom, hey dad. Don't tell me how to live. Show
me by your actions. You're my role models.
Action
Idea: When you talk to others, beginning right now,
don't try to impress them by talking about your accomplishments.
Let your actions speak for you. Ask more questions.
Denis
Waitley is one of America's most respected authors,
keynote lecturers and productivity consultants on high
performance human achievement. To learn more about him, his products and services, visit http://www.waitley.com. |