So
often in this ezine we talk about giving before getting,
and that is certainly a very important aspect of helping
a person to feel comfortable with you, and want to do
for you. Whether in social relationships or sales,
being the first to reach out is an extremely effective
human relations strategy, as well as just a generally
nice way to be. But we learn from one of America's more
well-known founders, Benjamin Franklin, how taking the
opposite approach can have excellent results as well.
In
his book, Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin and
Other Writings (www.executivebooks.com),
the inventor, statesman, and diplomat tells of an incident
with a man who opposed his being re-chosen as Clerk
of the General Assembly of the Pennsylvania House. Although
he did manage to keep the office, Ben knew that this
person, whom he described as "a gentleman of fortune
and education with talents that were likely to give
him, in time, great influence in the House," could be
trouble later on. He aimed to insure that didn't happen
by making, of an enemy, a friend.
Let's
let Ben tell us how he did it:
"I
did not, however, aim at gaining his favour by paying
any servile respect to him, but after some time took
this other method. Having heard that he had in his library
a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note
to him expressing my desire of perusing that book and
requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to
me for a few days. He sent it immediately - and I returned
it in about a week with another note expressing strongly
my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House,
he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and
with great civility. And he ever afterwards manifested
a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we
became great friends, and our friendship continued to
his death.
"This
is another instance of the truth of an old maxim I
had learned, which says, 'He that has once done you
a kindness will be more ready to do you another than
he whom you yourself have obliged.' And it shows how
much more profitable it is prudently to remove, than
to resent, return, and continue inimical proceedings."
Understand
that both ways work (giving first, and getting first);
it's just a matter of judging the method that will work
best depending upon both the situation and the other person
involved. Either way, what Ben said in his final sentence
makes a whole lot of sense. To paraphrase: We're better
off making a friend than keeping an enemy.
I'm
glad to have you with us. Have an awesome WINNING WITHOUT
INTIMIDATION week!
Bob
Burg Bob
Burg is author of "Winning Without Intimidation"
and "Endless Referrals." To receive 20% off on Bob's
products visit www.YourSuccessStore.com
or call 877-929-0439. |